Theology headspin

Last week had been different, teaching on the holy spirit it hadn't had the craziness one might expect of people laughing crying or falling about in the spirit, but rather some head messing theology, I wasn't used to it and it made my mind spin, what did i believe and why? who had taught it did i believe conflicting things, what did the bible say, and had i seen things that were just people rather than of god? as one teacher had pointed out you can make most things fit in the bible if you take a verse out of context. I was hungry for truth, why were things were so complicated, did it all make sense? why wasn't it simple? I wanted to know if i was going to tell people about Jesus was there really so much other stuff to complicate it along the way.

Did the holy spirit live in you or upon you? did you just think he lived in you? had you ever had baptism of the holy spirit? was it cut and dry that you didn't have the holy spirit if you hadn't been baptised in him or was he with you? was it the spirit of Christ that gave the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience,goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control, or did I think it was unequivocally the holy spirit? was john Elijah that was prophesied in the old testament or did he just have the spirit of Elijah on him? why could i except the existence of the holy spirit but struggled about the spirit of Elijah being on someone? the laying on of hands to impart gifts, did i believe that someone had to lay their hands on you and pray for you to have spiritual gifts, the manifestations of the holy spirit? and could everybody really speak in tongues and prophesy even if it wasn't their gifting?

Hannah and I sat Sunday night in the Moroccan bar but instead of falling around laughing we took the week's notes and every bible Scripture given and went through everything with a tooth comb, the feelings of being overwhelmed and frustrated slid away as we searched for the truth. maybe it was the manc in me but I didn't easily trust everything anyone taught, i flitted between feeling like a rebellious cynic and the 'test everything' in Thessalonians. Studying to get to the bottom of everything and asking god to reveal the truth was the only way.

But someone wisely reminded me of something jesus had said

29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.^[e] 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'^[f] 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'^[g]There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12 v 29-31

So I would push on and keep asking god to show me the truth, and in the meantime this weeks teacher on evangelism would keep the rest of my mind occupied, this guy was a bulldozer for Christ he had such a passion to see people saved it would be an interesting week, but India would be a welcome break from sitting on my arse and having my beliefs, thoughts, relationship with god and self-image tested. India would bring a whole new set of challenges of its own, not least not being allowed to be on your own for over a month. we leave saturday....just needed to buy 10 packs of immodium and i would be ready.