would you give it up?

It had been a good week, the new teacher was the head of the school he taught in a methodical, logical way, he asked questions everyone had ever thought but never ask, the questions if you didnt ask someone would have asked you. It didnt hurt, it wasnt too probing it didnt ask anything uncomfortable...of you that is. It was simply challenging to what you believe and why you believe it but nothing too personal was doug up.

Today was about jesus savior of your life, lord of nothing or lord of all there was no half way, areas of your life you havent given up or have reclaimed? nothing too bad so far. First, money, who will you marry, your reputation, your future, your time, your friends, your possessions.......your INDEPENDENCE. my world stood still as he said go and take some time and pray about what it is that you holder dearer than god, what is it that is ´my precious´.
would you give it up?

As i wondered into the park behind my mind boggled at the thought of giving up my independence, my thoughts were directed to god ´does it mean we´re at stalemate if i dont give it up or if I dont want to does it make it a void sacrifice? if i dont give it up it puts a stronghold in my life, it gives satan a stronghold a place and authority - i dont want that. But if i give my indepence to you god, i may not get it back - theres no garentee this is just to test my heart is there. Its a good test though i must admit. What is it in my independence that i submit if i give you this? my choice to run, my freedom, my ability to walk away, my ability to be alone? the only part of being alone that is satisfying truely is time with you god and that i guess is not indepence but both worship and dependence - i want that. So what is so paintful here? what is it that I hold so dear. I give you - if i say my choice to run do i bind myself in something i may not be able to keep? I always have the choice to run.

Giving up independence means letting people in, it means letting people see you be vulnerable.

Im not quite sure how this will work but im open for god to use me, to show me somehow how these qualities can be used for his glory and not to run off. cant say this didnt hurt or that im clear of what it yet means. I cant say i will never use a backpack or be alone again, I felt like i was being asked to give up a part of me, my life. my first thought being ´sure, i´ll just step outside and give up a piece of myself - wont be a min´ being independant is a part of me, its part of my personality. But i guess giving it to god can only bring freedom and mean it can be used in a different way. Im curious if nothing else to see how things change.

´If you try to hang onto your life, you will loose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the good news you will save it.´ mark 8 v 35