Inbox

Wednesday ment something else, Beyond panic and Spanish cramming, but he hadn't phoned or replied to the email, he hadn't sent the mobile and i was starting to wonder if it was just words, was i being overly sensitive? or was it that his wife, 3 kids and job that often kept him busy till midnight would always come first? never mind why had i left it so late in life, why had i been so stupid as to put my hopes on the line?! There was a great fear inside that i had softened, that it was too good to be true and i had just let myself fall into something that would hurt me more than any of my past put together.

As I went to Madrid with the girls we sat in one of Sol's many coffee bars I tried to put my thoughts behind me as we started sorting some of the stuff for India, we would be leaving in a month and working with street kids and orphans we had been given the task of preparing songs, dramas, puppet shows and games.

As I stood in 'El Corte Inlges' the Spanish House of Fraiser, looking for a present for the next time I met my dad. my head wanted to explode and I felt overwhelmed, what could I get him that his wife and kids wouldn't notice on an already over stretched missionary budget, with special value for someone who you actually don't know? ...'one hundred things to see before you die'? for someone who had had three heart attacks and could die any day, good one Vic that would be a hilarous read for him i'm sure. Ok, a book on Manchester....he was no longer well enough to travel much...great. O.k think, an English book?... it screams your English sucks, was there anything i could get that would work? one of the girls suggested I draw, but what would i draw a picture of me and him, he couldn't have it at work or in his house.

As the bus sped through the mix of good and just plain didgy architecture out of Madrid and back to the tower block suburbs of Torrejon my mind wondered all over the place, The gift, how long my dad had left, the thought of him dying while i was here and being prepared for it, how would i feel about god and could i let go if he did?

Finally getting in I checked my emails and there it was, his letter. hoping to meet me next week, complete with a mobile for me and continuing the cultural exchange teaching each other the language, he sent his care and kisses. It was all too good to be true but there it was in my inbox to double check in the morning.